Happy Holy Days

Just about a year ago, I posted the following on a blog maintained by my friend and former pastor, Robert V. Thompson. He is the author of a wonderful book called "A Voluptuous God: A Christian Heretic Speaks". The entry was titled "It's Tough Being a Jew at Christmas". I believe it is worth repeating: My youngest daughter, Carrie, now almost 27 years of age, told me this recently. She works as a kindergarten teacher in a day care center at a Presbyterian church in Deerfield. Her frame of reference was receiving a ginger bread Nativity kit as a white elephant gift at her “work” Christmas party. My oldest daughter, Lori (age 33) sent me an “instant message” this Christmas morning which proclaimed: “you don’t know how depressing it is to be Jewish on Christmas morning”. My middle daughter, Jamie (age 30) has not checked in yet. I suspect she will not complain about being Jewish on Christmas since her husband’s family is Catholic and Jamie is determined to raise their year old daughter Jewish. Jamie has plenty of opportunity to celebrate Christmas with her in-laws and their large families and it is up to her to figure out how to navigate their holiday celebrations. I personally spent many years feeling a mixture of relief and separation around not celebrating Christmas. As a child, I naturally felt “left out” and “different” because I did not celebrate Christmas. I wanted a Christmas tree like my friends had, and if not a Christmas tree, at least a Hanukkah bush to decorate. The first time I asked, I was told there is no such thing as a Hanukkah bush. A stocking filled with toys, etc was completely out of the question. As an adult, my feelings of relief revolved around not experiencing the stress that accompanies having to engage in all the hustle and bustle that seems to define Christmas. Along with that relief, however, I was aware of a strong sense of separation and envy. My sense of separation and feelings of envy were not indicative of wanting to be a Christian nor of a strong desire to celebrate Christmas. After all, I celebrated Hanukkah with my family by lighting candles and exchanging gifts. Our celebrations did not come close to the extravagance of Christmas, but we did celebrate. At some point, I realized that my feelings were actually an expression of grief - a grief that I did not have something that I truly believed in - something magical and wonderful that I thought was embodied by Christianity and the Jesus that my Christian friends worshiped. I did not (nor do I now) feel engaged in Judaism as a religion. To me, Judaism is and for a long time has been my ethnic identity and, although, I was not drawn to the practice of a specific religion, I thought this meant something was missing in my life. Quite a few years have elapsed since I deeply envied Christians their devotion to Jesus and the birth of the Messiah I am unable to accept. I spent six years attending Lake Street Church - not trying to be Christian but as a Jew who felt a very strong call to join the spiritual community that exists within the walls of that particular church. I came to know the difference between religion and spirituality. I was introduced to Jesus the mystic, rabbi, and teacher. I learned to accept the Christ that Jesus was and how he embodied the divine light that resides in each of us - a light that transcends any and all religion. I learned that I am a devout person and that the object of my devotion is my connection with God. I now focus my spiritual energy toward more deeply knowing that connection and experiencing unification with all that is - the great I AM. A few days ago I realized that Christmas was almost upon me and I personally was not feeling any sense of disconnection to the world that celebrates Christmas. This is probably the first year since being introduced to Christmas that I have not been feeling at some level that I am missing out on something wonderful because I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas. Even having my adult children complain about how tough it is to be Jewish now has not been enough to cause me to agree, commiserate, or tap into the old grief I used to feel. Their complaints did prompt me to reassess the meaning of Christmas. I found that it is no longer tough for me to be a Jew at Christmas because for me Christmas is a celebration of a very well known Jewish heretic and the message he carried about the reality of God. I have been thinking about it this year, and while Christmas is tomorrow and Hanukkah began on Sunday at sundown, I really do not feel any energy around the holidays - Hanukkah or Christmas. In my personal belief system, every day is a holy day and I celebrate my connection and communion with God every chance I am able each and every day. So, in the spirit of the holiday season for those that celebrate the holidays (and the holy days), I want to wish you all a Happy Holy Day. May the peace and light of God be with you each and every day. Namaste!

Mia and Bubbe Part II

One last note - the day after I left Minneapolis, Mia woke up and asked, "Where's Bubbe?" Reading that in an email from Jamie touched me very much. I feel much better about our relationship and being a long distance grandparent....

Unconditional Love

I just returned home from a visit to Minneapolis. Hard to understand the reason a relatively sane person might travel to such a cold place in December, but there was a logical reason. Minneapolis is the home of my middle daughter, Jamie and her family. Her family includes my favorite two year old - my granddaughter Mia. I actually went to the tundra because Mia's 2nd birthday was December 14th. I am her long distance Bubbe (Yiddish for grandmother) and do not see her very often. My last visit with her was in early May.

Much of my contact with Mia prior to this visit has been listening to her say "no" when I am talking to Jamie and she asks Mia if she wants to talk to Bubbe. Needless to say, I was a bit concerned as to how she would react when Bubbe showed up to stay at her house. Jamie assured me that Mia knew Bubbe was coming for her birthday, but I still entertained a nagging doubt.

Well, I now know that there was no need to be concerned. Mia and Bubbe did quite well together. I found her to be charming, adorable, bright, and quite loving. She is quite a "sponge" and picked up things we talked about quite quickly. We bonded, laughed, acted silly, played with puzzles, colored, and watched animals on tv.

Mia stayed home from "school" (aka daycare) two of the three weekdays I was visiting. That meant that for those two days, it was just Bubbe and Mia. Since it has been about 26 years since I last chased after a two year old, I found the first day to be quite exhausting. By approximately 3:30 pm we called Mommy to see what time she would be home from work. Bubbe needed a nap! The next day, which happened to be Mia's birthday, it was decided that she should go to school to celebrate her birthday with her friends and give Bubbe a chance to rest up for that evening's planned excursion to see "Disney on Ice". Bubbe pretty much vegged out for the day.

The lesson I took from this visit is that Mia epitomized unconditional love. While it was very easy for Bubbe to love Mia unconditionally for being the cute, adorable, bright little girl that she is, Bubbe found out that Mia was very giving of unconditional love. Except for a few "crabby" moments, she always had a smile on her face. She laughed often, was very willing to give hugs and kisses, and shared her toys with me. She was open to asking for help when she needed some and also helped show Bubbe how to work the toaster and a few other appliances around the house. There was no "bartering" for her affection. Mia was an absolute pleasure to be with, despite the exhaustion that went along with playing with her for 2+ days.

I realize now that as a parent, I missed experiencing the unconditional love of a small child. Being a parent meant being totally responsible for every aspect of my childrens' care. While I was much younger when I was caring for my small children, I was unaware of the spiritual aspect of the relationships with my children. I just made it through the day, every day, doing the best I could. I now realize that I missed a whole lot. But I cannot change what was and can only work toward cementing good, spiritual relationships with my now adult children and hope for more great visits with Mia and eventually more grandchildren to visit and bond with in a new, more spiritual way. And now I know why most grandparents say it is so much easier to be the grandparent because at the end of the day (and even sometimes before the end of the day), the parents get to take over! Namaste!

For pictures of my visit to Minneapolis, feel free to visit my Picasa website:
http://picasaweb.google.com/terisandler/MinneapolisVisitWithMia#

Fallout After The Fall

As noted in a previous post, I fell down about half a flight of stairs in my townhouse last July. The immediate consequence was a concussion and fractured collarbone. I am mostly healed from the physical effects of the fall but there appear to be some long term and possibly permanent changes in my life as a result of the head injury. I noticed right away that the veil between my physical and spiritual selves seemed to have disintegrated. This has been pretty positive because I feel much more connected to what I refer to as my "God place", which is the place where I feel my soul connects with the great "I AM" - the light and love of God. It feels as though I am constantly aware of the connection. Connecting with God seems effortless and constant. Woo Hoo! I like this feeling because for me, everything emanates from my connection with God. In God, everything is perfect and my life falls into place.

I began to notice something else shortly after my fall. I found myself becoming more open to things I did not really believe in the past. I am specifically referring to "channeled" messages. I used to be quite skeptical of psychic readings, tarot readings, and people who claimed they channeled spirit guides or angels. A little over a week after my fall, a friend forwarded an email pointing me in the direction of Archangel Uriel and a channel about the energies of 8/8/08. I decided to listen and found myself resonating with the message. I resonate with Archangel Uriel's messages so much that I continue to listen and actually traveled three hours (each way) recently to attend a three hour class and obtain a personal reading from the woman that channels Uriel. This is something totally unlike the old me!

I found that some of my reading confirmed things I have already realized by tuning into my own intuition. Some things were new information for me too. Prior to the Uriel reading I had opened up to allowing myself a few sessions with other psychics and the information from all seems pretty consistent - confirmation mixed with some new information. One interesting thing that came out of my Uriel reading pertains to my head injury. I was told that I am to share that suffering a head injury is not necessarily a "bad" thing. There can be a spiritual component to traumatic brain injury (the technical term).

And, of course, on one level, this is a "no brainer" (pardon the pun). When one is tapped into the spiritual realm, everything that happens can be interpreted spiritually - as part of traveling one's spiritual path, part of the human lives we spiritual beings incarnated to experience. But I choose go a bit deeper and look beyond the surface. I look at my own personal experience of having connected much more intensely with God as a result of hitting my head on the hardwood floor at the bottom of my staircase. Would I have gotten here eventually? Probably, but it might have taken a lot longer and it might have felt a lot different. Has it been an inconvenience? Most definitely - in addition to the spiritual component I also experienced emotional, physical, and cognitive consequences. I was dizzy and disoriented for a while, I cry much more easily, and I have problems with my short term memory. The physical effects are much less noticeable but I still deal with the cognitive and emotional issues.

Am I sorry it happened? I cannot really answer that question because by now my TBI has become part of who I am and I am happy with who I am and where I am at. I feel as though my fall was a fork in the road and I chose this particular road that led me to God in this particular manner. I know other roads lead to God -but this is the road I took and cannot turn back. So, I guess it is what it is and it is my task to accept what is, move on, and share my journey. And from where I am on this journey, I want to offer that suffering a TBI is not necessarily a horrible thing and can have a positive outcome. Namaste!