About eight years ago I wrote the following on a blog that is maintained in relation to a book written by the minister of Lake Street Church of Evanston, Robert Thompson. Just thought I would share it again, in light of the holiday season....
My youngest daughter, Carrie, now almost 27 years of age, told me this recently. She works as a kindergarten teacher in a day care center at a Presbyterian church in Deerfield. Her frame of reference was receiving a ginger bread Nativity kit as a white elephant gift at her “work” Christmas party. My oldest daughter, Lori (age 33) sent me an “instant message” this Christmas morning which proclaimed: “you don’t know how depressing it is to be Jewish on Christmas morning”. My middle daughter, Jamie (age 30) has not checked in yet. I suspect she will not complain about being Jewish on Christmas since her husband’s family is Catholic and Jamie is determined to raise their year old daughter Jewish. Jamie has plenty of opportunity to celebrate Christmas with her in-laws and their large families and it is up to her to figure out how to navigate their holiday celebrations.
I personally spent many years feeling a mixture of relief and separation around not celebrating Christmas. As a child, I naturally felt “left out” and “different” because I did not celebrate Christmas. I wanted a Christmas tree like my friends had, and if not a Christmas tree, at least a Hanukkah bush to decorate. The first time I asked, I was told there is no such thing as a Hanukkah bush. A stocking filled with toys, etc was completely out of the question. As an adult, my feelings of relief revolved around not experiencing the stress that accompanies having to engage in all the hustle and bustle that seems to define Christmas. Along with that relief, however, I was aware of a strong sense of separation and envy.
My sense of separation and feelings of envy were not indicative of wanting to be a Christian nor of a strong desire to celebrate Christmas. After all, I celebrated Hanukkah with my family by lighting candles and exchanging gifts. Our celebrations did not come close to the extravagance of Christmas, but we did celebrate. At some point, I realized that my feelings were actually an expression of grief - a grief that I did not have something that I truly believed in - something magical and wonderful that I thought was embodied by Christianity and the Jesus that my Christian friends worshiped. I did not (nor do I now) feel engaged in Judaism as a religion. To me, Judaism is and for a long time has been my ethnic identity and, although, I was not drawn to the practice of a specific religion, I thought this meant something was missing in my life.
Quite a few years have elapsed since I deeply envied Christians their devotion to Jesus and the birth of the Messiah I am unable to accept. I spent six years attending Lake Street Church - not trying to be Christian but as a Jew who felt a very strong call to join the spiritual community that exists within the walls of that particular church. I came to know the difference between religion and spirituality. I was introduced to Jesus the mystic, rabbi, and teacher. I learned to accept the Christ that Jesus was and how he embodied the divine light that resides in each of us - a light that transcends any and all religion. I learned that I am a devout person and that the object of my devotion is my connection with God. I now focus my spiritual energy toward more deeply knowing that connection and experiencing unification with all that is - the great I AM.
A few days ago I realized that Christmas was almost upon me and I personally was not feeling any sense of disconnection to the world that celebrates Christmas. This is probably the first year since being introduced to Christmas that I have not been feeling at some level that I am missing out on something wonderful because I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas. Even having my adult children complain about how tough it is to be Jewish now has not been enough to cause me to agree, commiserate, or tap into the old grief I used to feel. Their complaints did prompt me to reassess the meaning of Christmas. I found that it is no longer tough for me to be a Jew at Christmas because for me Christmas is a celebration of a very well known Jewish heretic and the message he carried about the reality of God.
