Being Jewish During The Christmas Season

About eight years ago I wrote the following on a blog that is maintained in relation to a book written by the minister of Lake Street Church of Evanston, Robert Thompson.  Just thought I would share it again, in light of the holiday season....

My youngest daughter, Carrie, now almost 27 years of age, told me this recently. She works as a kindergarten teacher in a day care center at a Presbyterian church in Deerfield. Her frame of reference was receiving a ginger bread Nativity kit as a white elephant gift at her “work” Christmas party. My oldest daughter, Lori (age 33) sent me an “instant message” this Christmas morning which proclaimed: “you don’t know how depressing it is to be Jewish on Christmas morning”. My middle daughter, Jamie (age 30) has not checked in yet. I suspect she will not complain about being Jewish on Christmas since her husband’s family is Catholic and Jamie is determined to raise their year old daughter Jewish. Jamie has plenty of opportunity to celebrate Christmas with her in-laws and their large families and it is up to her to figure out how to navigate their holiday celebrations.

I personally spent many years feeling a mixture of relief and separation around not celebrating Christmas. As a child, I naturally felt “left out” and “different” because I did not celebrate Christmas. I wanted a Christmas tree like my friends had, and if not a Christmas tree, at least a Hanukkah bush to decorate. The first time I asked, I was told there is no such thing as a Hanukkah bush. A stocking filled with toys, etc was completely out of the question. As an adult, my feelings of relief revolved around not experiencing the stress that accompanies having to engage in all the hustle and bustle that seems to define Christmas. Along with that relief, however, I was aware of a strong sense of separation and envy.

My sense of separation and feelings of envy were not indicative of wanting to be a Christian nor of a strong desire to celebrate Christmas. After all, I celebrated Hanukkah with my family by lighting candles and exchanging gifts. Our celebrations did not come close to the extravagance of Christmas, but we did celebrate. At some point, I realized that my feelings were actually an expression of grief - a grief that I did not have something that I truly believed in - something magical and wonderful that I thought was embodied by Christianity and the Jesus that my Christian friends worshiped. I did not (nor do I now) feel engaged in Judaism as a religion. To me, Judaism is and for a long time has been my ethnic identity and, although, I was not drawn to the practice of a specific religion, I thought this meant something was missing in my life.

Quite a few years have elapsed since I deeply envied Christians their devotion to Jesus and the birth of the Messiah I am unable to accept. I spent six years attending Lake Street Church - not trying to be Christian but as a Jew who felt a very strong call to join the spiritual community that exists within the walls of that particular church. I came to know the difference between religion and spirituality. I was introduced to Jesus the mystic, rabbi, and teacher. I learned to accept the Christ that Jesus was and how he embodied the divine light that resides in each of us - a light that transcends any and all religion. I learned that I am a devout person and that the object of my devotion is my connection with God. I now focus my spiritual energy toward more deeply knowing that connection and experiencing unification with all that is - the great I AM.

A few days ago I realized that Christmas was almost upon me and I personally was not feeling any sense of disconnection to the world that celebrates Christmas. This is probably the first year since being introduced to Christmas that I have not been feeling at some level that I am missing out on something wonderful because I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas. Even having my adult children complain about how tough it is to be Jewish now has not been enough to cause me to agree, commiserate, or tap into the old grief I used to feel. Their complaints did prompt me to reassess the meaning of Christmas. I found that it is no longer tough for me to be a Jew at Christmas because for me Christmas is a celebration of a very well known Jewish heretic and the message he carried about the reality of God.

The Transmutation of Judgment Into Loving

I am the first to admit I am very judgmental.  I want to place the root of this at being raised by a very judgmental mother.  Or, I can say I am an Empath (true) and "blame" my judgment on carrying the emotions/judgments of others.  Both of these have a seed of truth in them but I do not want to make excuses.  Bottom line, judging is not in alignment with the Loving and the Divine being I know I am!

I have been waking up to this duality and discrepancy in my life.  As I share things with others that are judgmental, I have an awareness that this not of the Loving.  I accept that I am human and that the judgment comes from my human-ness.  It is hard to live in this world of duality and not fall into the human traps.  Or so I tell myself.

Today, as I was reviewing the judgments I have passed on a particular person and things I have said about "never really liking him",  I was able to see full on that  I was judging  his human persona and not the Divine within him and, more than that, I was not coming from a place of Loving. I was struck by the fact that I can rationalize my failure to be in the Loving by passing it off as my being human without seeing that in the other person!  And then, within less than an hour, I witnessed negative thoughts about a person and a situation that has nothing to do with me but I am carrying this for somebody else. And I have been aware for a while that this is a task that I often take on as an Empath.

Each time I had this realization today, I decided to choose into Loving!  And each time, I immediately felt my one-ness with the Loving and my one-ness with God.  It almost seems too easy.  But it IS that easy.  I am what I focus upon.  I am capable of choosing where to place my focus. Yes, I am human and live in a world of duality.  Yes, my ego tries to trip me up by pointing my focus on the physical, emotional, or mental realms - sometimes more than one at the same time.  But I have a choice!  I can focus on the Loving.  I can focus on my one-ness with God.  I can be the alchemist of my human-ness and transmute things not in alignment with my Soul and God. And when I reach the place of one-ness and Loving, I do not have to judge myself for being out of alignment.  I simply  own that I AM THAT I AM!

Namaste.

Where Ever You Go, There You Are!

As my path takes me further and further inward, I seem to come across just the opposite - people who  apparently live their lives outwardly, dealing strongly in the duality of physical existence.  I find it a stretch not to get caught up in that energy when confronted with it up close and personal - partly because I am an Empath, and partly because, despite my best efforts, I live in that same duality.  Darn!

The current challenge I find myself faced with is how to keep my Spiritual Integrity when faced with those who, in my opinion (or more likely, judgment) are allowing themselves to be run by circumstances outside themselves and beyond their control.  There are people on my path who allow themselves to rail at the unfairness of the situation(s) they find themselves and seem to want somebody else to fix things for them.  And I want to either cut them totally out of my life or shake them until they wake up and see that the answer is within.  Why can't they see that?  I certainly can!

So, as I am recovering from several months of chaos in my life, I am finally able to step back and take a look at my culpability in all this.  First, I have allowed outside circumstances - a mother in hospice, a daughter's wedding, surgery, a houseguest, and the birth of a grandchild - keep me from going to my source.   Not intentionally, of course.  Not consciously. It just happened.  

So, what does that mean?  I think it means that I allowed circumstances outside myself pull me out into a much fuller engagement with duality than I feel comfortable.  It means that what I see in others is the mirror of that which is going on within myself.  I am judging the very thing in others that I am experiencing.  Once again - Darn!

As a Spiritual Being having a Human Experience, I find myself faltering when it comes to Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness - the teachings of my spiritual teachers.  Oh, no!  Yes, I am human.  Just as those people in my life who act as mirrors to me are human.  Those that I have been judging really deserve my thanks.  Thanks for showing me that every place I go, I bring the same me along.  There is no place in the physical world where I can truly escape the human being that I am, but I can raise my consciousness and awareness and learn to be gentle with myself and others.  I can learn to accept that my path is my path and not the path of those around me.  

I have no business judging where on the continuum of Spiritual wakefulness anybody else might be - for, just as no two snowflakes are alike, no two Spiritual paths are alike.  And, as I judge others trying to control the circumstances of their lives to obtain something other than they have, I realize that I must release that part of me that wants to control the circumstances of my life with which I am not particularly happy. The outer is merely a means to an end and no matter where I go or what I do physically in the world to try to change things, the true key is to go back inside where I belong, become still again, and know I am God.

Namaste!

Season of Light

This year, for some unknown reason, I felt called to (loosely) observe the tradition of Hanukkah.  Every year involves presents for the grandchildren and cards to my kids' families, but I have not lit candles, seen a dreidel, or made latkes (potato pancakes) in I do not know how long.  I initially "blamed" this calling on hanging out with three specific friends from my spiritual community who are very interested in Judaism, Jewish mysticism, and Jewish ritual.  None of them were "born" members of the tribe but all have the calling, and one in particular recently aligned her Jewish soul with her physical self and converted.  Anybody who knows me is aware that I am not called to religion, ritual, or the "trappings" so this took me by surprise.  I actually told them via e-mail that this was all their fault.

I already have a menorah which has been in a cabinet unused for years.  Two days before the first candle I went on a search for Hanukkah candles.  I was unable to find them in the local grocery store but I did buy two boxes of latke mix.  I checked with one of the guilty parties mentioned above and was referred to the local synagogue.  I found one fairly close to my home, went the day before the official start, purchased my candles, and went home.  I then proceeded to invite a friend/neighbor Angela and her six year old daughter Maddie to join me for the candle lighting each evening.  This invitation has since grown to her extended immediate family.  

Since finding the candles, I was also able to find one store with a very small Hanukkah section and picked up a supply of dreidels.  Hanukkah for me is not complete without latkes and dreidels.  Every evening for the last four nights, Maddie and Angela come over and we light the appropriate number of candles.  Actually, Maddie lights them, I recite the Hebrew blessings, and Maddie reads the English translation.  Maddie got a dreidel the first night and when her cousins make it here, probably the last night, they will get their dreidels.

Now, this is not so remarkable, people do this every year, and sometimes do it up really big.  What I find interesting is the fact that Angela and her family, who do not know much about Jewish holidays, are so excited about something I usually ignore.  So, I started to look beneath the surface and was given some interesting insights.

This year, Hanukkah (The Festival of Lights) ends on the day of Christmas eve.  So the Festival of Lights this year leads right into to the Christian celebration of the birth of The Messiah.  The mystics of all traditions follow the Light to attain oneness with God while the Bible quotes Jesus as saying "I am the Light of the World".  I personally do not accept Jesus as The Messiah but I do accept him as a rabbi, mystic, and one of the teaching masters of my Spiritual path.  Since there are no coincidences, I find this personal Hanukkah renewal a very significant spiritual movement.  It is another means of bringing my consciousness into alignment with my Soul and beyond and sharing the message with others. And based on feedback from Angela, I sense she feels something mystical about this as well.  I feel the beginning of an annual holiday tradition between our families being created.  May we all know that we are one with The Light and one with The Holy Spirit!

Namaste.